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| Collage of my Dad |
I am sure I frustrated my dad at times since he had the analytical brain and I struggled with math. He was once a math teacher and having a daughter that prefered the arts over the love of numbers was probably a little disheartening. I blame that on being adopted and not getting the "math gene" from him. However, he appreciated the arts and encouraged me to follow my heart and use my talents. He was the one that got up at the crack of dawn to take me to skating lessons, was there for my dance recitals and every show I was in, bought me my first flute, and let me use his workbench and tools for all of my art projects. I did end up in marketing for my first career and yes, I found that I also had an analytical mind. It just took me a while to find it!
He also taught me other life lessons like driving. He took me to the cemetery for my first lesson where he said I "couldn't kill anyone". Well, I believe he was rethinking that strategy as I hit the gas pedal instead of the brake and we were headed towards a very large monument of an angel with open arms that seemed ready to greet us. But he didn't give up on me or make me relinquish the wheel to him so we could promptly return home where we were safe.
My dad was 51 when I entered his life and that may not be unusual for this day and age, but in the 60's there weren't a lot of kids my age with dads that "old". Sometimes it made me uncomfortable when people would assume I was his granddaughter but now I appreciate that I had a dad who also had the experience and wisdom of a grandfather wrapped in one. He had so many life experiences and I was the lucky recipient of all his teachings. I will always remember how he could light up a room and people seemed to just gravitate to him. I rarely saw him get angry and he never said an unkind word about anyone. His last career was a social worker and he took me frequently to work. I loved being there with my dad, but it was also his way of showing me that I should be grateful for what I have and opened my eyes to the generous and kind man he was. I will always remember the holiday parties for the kids in the community where he worked as my dad dressed as Santa handed out gifts and I was his trusty elf at his side.
When I returned home from college there was an envelope on my dresser and when I opened it I found a letter with the heading "Some Advise to My Daughter Donna". My first reaction was that I had only been home for a few moments and mom was already setting down the rules. However, I found a typewritten letter from my dad who wrote it the year before he died. I'm not sure what inspired him to write it at that time since he was not sick and died suddenly, but I am grateful that he took the time to put his thoughts on paper. It means the world to me and I have it pinned on my bulletin board and read at it frequently. His opening paragraph sums it up:
"You may not think so, but I do understand you and know you quite well. When you entered my life at the age of five days, I assumed all responsibilities for your well being. After all you became my daughter and as your dad I have this to say, just as all normal youths are, you are too hasty, impatient, and confident. These traits can be good or bad depending on how you use them. Good because without hastiness you would not be motivated; without confidence you could not grow with modern times and changes - having confidence you will not permit the world to crush you; impatience can help you improve your life as well as the life of others around you. You have a sense of humour, charm, and extra sensory perception. Never forget this. Hastiness, impatience and confidence can be bad should they ever turn you away from those who love you."
You never know what life will bring you and when my birth mother made the decision to give me up I landed in the arms of a warm and generous father. I sometimes wonder where my artistic talents come from since no one in family is quite like me, but I know where my appreciation of life, of those around me, and my sense of "self" comes from. I had a wonderful teacher, cheerleader, coach, and supporter. Unfortunately as a typical teen I was not always aware of that and I lost him early in life. But as an adult I have a greater appreciation of the time I had with him. In that short period of time he provided me with what I needed to succeed.
So on this Father's Day I reflect on those times, thank the universe for putting me in a loving home, and realize that he is a big part of the woman I have become. Life can be challenging and I am not stranger to change, but as he said in a little index card titled "Believe in yourself":
So on this Father's Day I will look to the future and all the joys, challenges, and wonderful people that it holds for me. I'm in the arts because I had someone that encouraged me to explore my opportunities and do what I love. It seems appropriate that I will be spending that weekend at the Cantigny: Art in Bloom Fine Art Fair since we spent any family gatherings there and have fond memories of my dad and uncle taking us on the tour of the war memorial. I know he will be smiling down on me and helping make my dreams come true.
Best wishes to all the fathers, and those that have been father figures in our lives. Be grateful for all the wonderful memories that will become the fabric of your life. Happy Father's Day!
